Moan for me like Helen Keller
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize