but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize