he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
