at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
