idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
