we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
