We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
