woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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