My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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