I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
