You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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