this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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