Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
