I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
