I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
