Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
