Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
