I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
