How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
