i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
