Redeem this text for a blowjob
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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