he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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