Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
