17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
