Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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