Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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