Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
