Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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