he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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