Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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