apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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