Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
