Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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