I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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