cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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