dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
