we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
