the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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