i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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