Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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