i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
