Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
