It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
