I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
