I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize