do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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