Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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