This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
