First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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