SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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