I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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