drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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