I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
