I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize