You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
