fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize