I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry about my life...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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