I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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