Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
