You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
