If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
