Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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