Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
