how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
