don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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