what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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