so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
zippers are such a cool invention
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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