as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
