I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
