a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize