i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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