like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
